The days are passing. Fleeting. I’m still lying in my bed watching the snow flakes make their way from the heavens into the mud. The day falls asleep and the night takes its shift. I wish it were any different. My ears are numb, longing for the sound of your voice to resurrect them from their misery.

My eyes glisten with tears, but I’ve learned not to cry. Yet I can’t help feeling broken. My soul needs refinement. My heart needs it. You. Badly. How will it be better when the better half of me is gone? How will I be whole again?

Our anniversary came and went without being recognized. I stumbled through the day as if I didn’t care at all. Everyone asked me what was wrong; I just smiled and said ‘a headache’. It was only until the night was guard that I paused my life and rewinded it back to the part I love. To the part I lost.

A flame was born in the midst of the night as I sat on the briskly floor, lit a single candle and whispered Happy Birthday as my eyes gave out to the salty sea drowning them. It was your birthday, dear, and I bought you a present. Maybe just for the notion that I did something. That I’m still holding on. That I haven’t forgotten.

Only the night knows all my secrets.
Soon it will be a year.

Enti Mcheiti – Melhem Zein

inti mchiti w bikiet il wardi
baab il hanah daya3ti mifta7o
ila 7anein ma ba2a 3indi
kamshit amal a3teitik ra7o
w 3asfour 3indi bil ifas birdaan
m3awad 3aleiki w kitrit ijra7o
mar2o sabei3ik bawaso il2idban
da2 il sajein w kataf ijnaa7o

lil bo3d albi ma 7asab
wibkeit idamik 3atab
ma shift bi3iounik sabab 3anjad yib3idni
wil dam3 bi3iouni wa3i
7aseit ra7 oul irja3i
ghaseit ma til3it ma3i
ya rabi sa3idni

w2ift w ma baddi iwsif il wa2fi
wa2fit barei2 ib 7ikmi i3damo
min kil 3omro ma 3ad fini dfei
sarit sabeieh w it3itli iyamo
sawti ghadarni abil ma ti2fi
alik ta3i wil shawtil lamo
albi ilbi3omro ma 3irif do3fi
war2it khareif is2ati idamo

mamnoun sawt ili njara7
radik ili w albi nfata7
madeit eidi lil sila7 wib2eit madidha
7adi w2ifti mlabaki
7aseit 3a shfafik 7aki
3am yikhtilid ta7t il biki
ya rabi sa3idha

--

You left as the roses wept
the locked door to satisfaction seems to have no key
Compassion, the only thing left, is slipping away
What was a little hope has now faded away
My caged bird is trembling, is cold
so used to you, now its pain intensified
your fingertips passed as they kissed the bars
As the prisoner knocked and ripped out my wings

My heart did not prepare for this
I cried when you departed
I didn’t see in your eyes a reason good enough to keep me away
And the tears in my eyes linger
Just a whisper, I’d shout ‘come back’
I sobbed, my throat constricted,
God lend me a hand

I stood and I don’t want to describe that moment
An innocent man sentenced to execution
Just a little more is left of his lifetime
My fingers started counting his days
My voice betrayed me before you disappeared
It asked you to come back, and you blamed it terribly
My heart that didn’t know my weakness,
Has made you fall, an autumn leaf, in front of it

My hurt voice is grateful
It brought you back and revived my heart
I put out my hand for redemption and kept it that way
Next to me you stood fumbling
I felt the words on your lips
Immortalizing beneath your tears
God lend her a hand